withgrace[dot]net

trick-or-treat

Michele — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 19:55:38 +0000

Happy Halloween, dear Internets.

It’s time for me to get out of this self-imposed writer’s block.

Work is busy as hell. When I go to the evidence room where we store the cases we are working, sometimes I get overwealmed looking at it all. I clear my desk, look up and see my boss with more evidence bags and lift envelopes assigned to me ready to be worked. It’s like that for all of us and we are drowning. I know I should be thankful I have a job to be overworked at, given all the layoffs that have been happening thanks to our lovely economy. I just want the peace of mind of being caught up with my work.

And that is not going to happen anytime soon.

Speaking of the economy. I have to put the job search on hold if I want to work for the state of Kentucky. They are in the midst of a hiring freeze. Perhaps after our new President is elected on Tuesday and things start to turn around, perhaps things will look brighter come 2009. I hope so anyway. If not, I’ll be looking outside of law enforcement.

I want to go home. Plain and simple.

So, I’ve finally made a concerted effort to get myself in shape. I’m not wide as I am tall by any means, but I have some soft spots I want to tone and firm. I also want to drop a couple of sizes. It was hard staying on the health kick while working nights and my schedule constantly changing. My travel for the past month didn’t help much either. I have now settled into a nice routine. We’ll see how things are shaping up around Christmas.

Wow. Break time is over already. Time to get my ass back to the grind.

See you soon.

where am I going

Michele — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 22:08:12 +0000

It’s been a while.

Again.

It saddens me that I’ve not been here as much as I would like.

Fragments of stories. Of thoughts.

Words quietly spoken instead of written.

I’m at a crossroads of so many things in my life.

Work. Home. Love.

You think by the time you reach your 30’s, you’d have everything figured out.

Not me.

I’m just taking one day at a time. Hoping the answers to the questions stored my head will present themselves.

And I’ll do the right thing.

For now, there is tomorrow and the plans with Crystal to go to Grant’s Farm.

Then Sunday I’m off to Kansas City for a few days.

After that, who knows where I’ll end up.

wake me up when September ends

Michele — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 17:12:46 +0000

What a month September has been.

It started out nice with a visit from the Boy and cooler temperatures coming around here and there. Then, what was supposed to be just some simple tests for infection, my mom informs me that my dad has cancer of the bladder.

I’ve known for almost two weeks now. Things have been surreal. I still go day by day doing my thing here in Saint Louis while my mind drifts home wondering how my dad is doing. My mom tells me he is hanging in there - but I need to see this for myself. Thankfully I am taking some time off at the end of the week to go home.

I have not spoken to my dad since finding this out. Save your chastising as I don’t care to hear it. Every time I start to dial the phone knowing when he is home and mom is at work I start to cry. He doesn’t need to hear me cry. I’ve told my mom this and she understands. When she told my dad what I said he just smiled at her. My dad and I can communicate without saying a word.

There is still much that is unknown. I know that he has had the test to determine if it has spread to his other organs and it has not. I hope to learn more when I go home.

Speaking of going home, this has made me realize I need to go home.

For good.

However, I need to be smart about it. While I want to be close to my parents and the Boy I must take care of myself. Thankfully I have learned of a position that would be perfect for me. I’d have a bit of a commute, but it’s better than the four hours it takes me to get to Louisville now. More on that as things develop.

I don’t really have much else to say. Haven’t I said enough anyway? I’m counting the days to this time next week. I need so much to be around those I love.

oh ya - I have a blog

Michele — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 04:58:56 +0000

Dear Internets:

So sorry for the hiatus. Things have been pretty busy since my last entry. Life on day shift is TOTALLY different from nights as I well expected. Getting used to the personalities in my unit has been. Well. A challenge. I’m making it, however.

I’ve started learning about the chemical processing of evidence. I processed with Cyanoacrylate and Ninhydrin. I used regular black powder and magnetic powder to dust. I think I ended up with more on my face than the lifts themselves, but hey - I’m learning.

I’ve not done much with the new place since the change of my schedule. I find myself getting home in the afternoon, spent. I do manage to get a work out in most of the time, but it has been a struggle as of late being so tired. I hope as I get used to my new hours I can get back to full steam.

The Boy visited Labor Day weekend and that was a surprise. I thought he was going out of town for business but came to see me instead. We spent the weekend trying new restaurants and watching football. It was a laid back, enjoyable weekend. Right up until Sunday, when we watched my University of Louisville Cardinals get there ass kicked… at home. It will be a long season.

I’m excited as fall is right around the corner. Starbucks has started offering the seasonal Pumpkin Spice Latte again. I wonder what Fall 2008 will bring?

A way home to Louisville? For good?

One never knows.

my own kind of big

Michele — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 06:21:19 +0000

Carrie and Big - Sex and the City

Forgive me as I’m feeling a little romantic this evening. If you know the above couple’s story, you know they have had their share of ups and downs. Break-ups, marriage to another person, leaving town, you name it. Yet, after all that:

Love prevailed.

I am exactly two months shy from one year. One year ago meeting my boyfriend, who I like to affectionately call, ‘the Boy’.

We met last October, my favorite time of year. All good things happen during the fall. Football, Halloween, pumpkin pie, and for me, meeting the person that brought me out of the shell I created during the end of my marriage four years ago.

Of course, I didn’t know this at the time on that October day. I had been dating people as had he, enjoying myself, keeping things on the surface. Things on the surface was safe and it was just enough for me to handle.

I had no idea I would be swept off my feet, and swept I was.

It was nothing and everything he did.

By the end of our third date, I was sure my romance was over. We had decided to go out and watch a bit of football, as his Florida State Seminoles were playing. I didn’t eat a bite that day between cleaning my apartment and finding the perfect outfit, there was no time. I paid for it dearly.

Ladies, let me tell you this:

Many drinks before dinner is a very bad idea on an empty stomach.

As soon as we made it to the restaurant we had to leave. I got sick. Really sick.

So sick that the Boy had to stop THREE times so I could puke. I was so embarrassed. Humiliated. I was sure as he got me into my apartment and into my bed that was the last of him. I remember sleeping for a few hours and waking some time past midnight. I called my best friend, Josh.

me: I’m in a bad way.

Josh: what did you do?

me: Fucked up. Real good.

I explained the details of my early evening. I was miserable. Josh, being the friend that he is, assured me all would be well and to just go back to sleep. So sleep I did, prior to that, I sent the Boy a text apologizing for how the evening went and thanked him for getting me home. I figured I should at least thank him since I thought I wasn’t going to see or hear from him again.

Well, I was wrong.

Early that morning he texted me to see how I was feeling. When I woke up I could barely move. I was so happy that he hadn’t disappeared but I felt so sick from the night before. There were only two things I wanted.

Well, make that three: Sprite, Advil, and him.

Not even 30 minutes later from the first morning text, the Boy was at my door with Sprite and Advil in hand. I’m sure you can only imagine how I looked. Yet here he was, smiling at me and wanting to make sure I was okay.

I took the Advil, drank the Sprite and crawled into bed with him. He held me until we fell asleep.

I have to say, it was one of the sweetest things someone had ever done for me.

That day I knew he was someone special and with him coming into my life things would never be the same. And they haven’t been. Two months into dating, I accepted a job offer in Saint Louis and the long distance relationship began. It hasn’t been easy but we have kept it going. As time passes I feel more and more at ease in sharing my life with someone again. I can tell he does too.

Love does indeed prevail. No matter the odds. If you just let go and let love.

out of the ‘office’

Michele — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 03:44:58 +0000

In case you haven’t noticed, I’m taking a little break.

Just for a little bit.

The peeps from Charter will be at my apartment next week to hook a sister up with the Internets and cable, [sports package too, rah rah rah!] so I can be in touch with what goes on around the word and satisfy my food network obsession. I say obsession because watching has led me to purchase a wok that is over $100.

Sheesh.

In other news, I finally make my way to day shift starting September 1st. Yes kids, Michele finally gets to have herself a fo’ real life in the Lou. I get to see new friends, go to neat places and see live sporting events. Thanks SLMPD for finally letting me off the night shift that sucked so much.

I’m getting my new apartment in a somewhat livable condition. Still working nights for the month of August and a quick trip home to the ‘Ville has left this to be almost impossible. I am happy to say things are slowly coming together. My freshy fresh couch will be delivered next week, [do you see a trend - all the cool shit is happening next week].

Nothing much else to report. I’ve been doing a little writing. More like little ideas that go on Stickies. I love the Stickies on my iMac. [If you have an Apple computer you know what I'm talking about.] I’m almost considering taking a photo of it as they are ALL OVER my screen. Kind of like the random ideas that are all over inside my head. Heh.

Okay, break time resumes.

and the reason is

Michele — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 05:41:37 +0000

They say things happen for a reason.

At least, that is what we tell ourselves when no other explanation will do in circumstances that could be considered, ’bad’. The ‘good’ ones as well for that matter.

Like losing my entire archive of of blog posts. Don’t ask me how I did it. I just did, in tweaking here and there. I tried to fix it and finally gave up.

Nothing wrong with a fresh start anyway. Right?

So here I am.

Stay tuned.