withgrace[dot]net

Howdy do Internets!

As the last days of 2008 are upon us I figured it was time to think about the past year and ponder what 2009 will bring.

Let’s face it.

2008 was indeed one hell of a kick in the pants for many of us.  I can say for myself, it was indeed one of the hardest during my thirty-six years on this planet.

However, instead of going down memory lane of all the bad, I’m going to remember the good. 

What I have learned.  How I have grown.  The strength I have been given.

In the past year I have discovered I am not afraid of venturing to an unfamiliar city for the betterment of my career.  I have faced challenges and overcome.  I have let time work wonders on the heart and have been rewarded a beautiful relationship with the man I love.

That’s a lot of goodness to take to 2009.

There is more goodness in the fact I’ll be leaving Saint Louis tomorrow after work to begin my holiday vacation.  I had more time on the books than I had thought.  Hooray!

Updates on Flickr will most likely not start again until after the new year.  (This is where I hope Santa is reading and brings me a Mac Book Pro.)  I can use the Boy’s laptop, but alas… no Photoshop.  Poo.

I wish you all a very happy holiday with your family and friends.  I hope 2009 is filled with blessings and peace.

Love,

Michele

AH-CHOOOO!

Seriously.  Is there ever a “good” time for the flu?

I’m thinking not, however I am happy it is happening now and not while I’m on Christmas vacation.  So there’s that.  Always trying to look at the positive.  Never mind the fact I’ve been walking around and going to work with it almost a week.  I finally wised up and called in today. I have way too much going on to be down and out so I’m taking it easy.

I’m so proud of myself.  I am DONE with Christmas shopping.  DONE I say.  This is coming from the girl of Christmas past who did last minute shopping.  We’re talking December 24th, running around in a frantic frenzy.  Yes.  That was me.  It feels good to be done.  Now I can just enjoy.

Speaking of enjoyment, one of the biggest things I’m looking forward to is getting a tree with the Boy when I go home.  We’re getting a real tree.  I’ve not had a real Christmas tree since I was a child in Germany.  I’ve not put up a Christmas tree since I was married.  I was all about the tree.  I’ve not had a desire for one until now and it’s a nice feeling.

You really can enjoy the things you once loved, given enough time.  New memories can replace the old.

I had a nice break over Thanksgiving.  Dad is doing very well with his Chemo.  Staying positive is the key and it’s working.  He does have to rest a lot but that’s okay.  At the end of January more tests will be done to see how things are looking.  If the cancer is completely gone it will be time to look at surgery options.  

With everything that is going on in my life I have this amazing sense of calm.  I’ve been thinking about it on and off the past couple of days.  I had struggled for so long; how to deal with the things one can’t control.  Being crabby and asshole-ish is not the answer.  There comes a day where you just have to let go and let things be.  Not in just one aspect of your life. Everything.  

This is not to say sit by and let life pass you.

Do what you are able and let the rest figure itself out.  

(or this could be just the flu talking… *wink*)

It’s been a while.

Again.

It saddens me that I’ve not been here as much as I would like.

Fragments of stories.  Of thoughts.

Words quietly spoken instead of written.

I’m at a crossroads of so many things in my life.  

Work.  Home.  Love.

You think by the time you reach your 30’s, you’d have everything figured out.

Not me.

I’m just taking one day at a time.  Hoping the answers to the questions stored my head will present themselves.

And I’ll do the right thing.

For now, there is tomorrow and the plans with Crystal to go to Grant’s Farm.

Then off to a training in Kansas City on Expert Testimony for the Fingerprint Examiner.  

After that, who knows where I’ll end up.

What a month September has been. 

It started out nice with a visit from the Boy and cooler temperatures coming around here and there.   Then, what was supposed to be just some simple tests for infection, my mom informs me that my dad has cancer of the bladder.

I’ve known for almost two weeks now.  Things have been surreal.  I still go day by day doing my thing here in Saint Louis while my mind drifts home wondering how my dad is doing.  My mom tells me he is hanging in there - but I need to see this for myself.  Thankfully I am taking some time off at the end of the week to go home.

I have not spoken to my dad since finding this out.  Save your chastising as I don’t care to hear it.  Every time I start to dial the phone knowing when he is home and mom is at work I start to cry.  He doesn’t need to hear me cry.  I’ve told my mom this and she understands.  When she told my dad what I said he just smiled at her.  My dad and I can communicate without saying a word.

There is still much that is unknown.  I know that he has had the test to determine if it has spread to his other organs and it has not.  I hope to learn more when I go home. 

Speaking of going home, this has made me realize I need to go home. 

For good.

However, I need to be smart about it.  While I want to be close to my parents and the Boy I must take care of myself.  Thankfully I have learned of a position that would be perfect for me.  I’d have a bit of a commute, but it’s better than the four hours it takes me to get to Louisville now.  More on that as things develop.

I don’t really have much else to say.  Haven’t I said enough anyway?  I’m counting the days to this time next week.  I need so much to be around those I love.