withgrace[dot]net

Howdy do Internets!

As the last days of 2008 are upon us I figured it was time to think about the past year and ponder what 2009 will bring.

Let’s face it.

2008 was indeed one hell of a kick in the pants for many of us.  I can say for myself, it was indeed one of the hardest during my thirty-six years on this planet.

However, instead of going down memory lane of all the bad, I’m going to remember the good. 

What I have learned.  How I have grown.  The strength I have been given.

In the past year I have discovered I am not afraid of venturing to an unfamiliar city for the betterment of my career.  I have faced challenges and overcome.  I have let time work wonders on the heart and have been rewarded a beautiful relationship with the man I love.

That’s a lot of goodness to take to 2009.

There is more goodness in the fact I’ll be leaving Saint Louis tomorrow after work to begin my holiday vacation.  I had more time on the books than I had thought.  Hooray!

Updates on Flickr will most likely not start again until after the new year.  (This is where I hope Santa is reading and brings me a Mac Book Pro.)  I can use the Boy’s laptop, but alas… no Photoshop.  Poo.

I wish you all a very happy holiday with your family and friends.  I hope 2009 is filled with blessings and peace.

Love,

Michele

Dare I say I’m starting to feel better?

What was labeled as the flu, sinus infection, cold et al; 

finally got the name, bronchitis.

Another trip to the doctor and RX later I’m starting to feel like my self.  

Good news.  My application with the State has been ‘certified to agency’, meaning I am eligible for an interview and hire.  This is awesome news.  I try not to let my hopes get so high that I can’t see, but I tell you.  It’s hard.  

When you want something so much.  That is so close.  So within reach. It makes your heart skip a beat.

I continue to count down the days until I get to go home for Christmas. 

(Nine days.)

I feel like a little girl.  I think my holiday spirit has caught on to the Boy.  We’ve talked about how we’ll be spending Christmas together after seeing my folks Christmas Eve. 

Just. Us.

In the evening we’ll have friends over for drinks and merriment.  A low key version from our party a few months ago.  I like the idea of being curled next to him on the couch.  Having a cocktail. Conversation with good friends.  Lights from our tree adding a warm glow.

Perfect.

After Christmas, the Boy and I are off for a little holiday getaway.  We were going to see FSU play in a Bowl game, but since it ended up in Orlando we decided to drive somewhere closer.  Nashville.  We’re going to see the Predators play.  It’s been ten years since I’ve been to Nashville.  I don’t remember much about it except getting spanked at some bar, (it was my 26th Birthday).  

Yes Virginia, there are good times around the bend.

AH-CHOOOO!

Seriously.  Is there ever a “good” time for the flu?

I’m thinking not, however I am happy it is happening now and not while I’m on Christmas vacation.  So there’s that.  Always trying to look at the positive.  Never mind the fact I’ve been walking around and going to work with it almost a week.  I finally wised up and called in today. I have way too much going on to be down and out so I’m taking it easy.

I’m so proud of myself.  I am DONE with Christmas shopping.  DONE I say.  This is coming from the girl of Christmas past who did last minute shopping.  We’re talking December 24th, running around in a frantic frenzy.  Yes.  That was me.  It feels good to be done.  Now I can just enjoy.

Speaking of enjoyment, one of the biggest things I’m looking forward to is getting a tree with the Boy when I go home.  We’re getting a real tree.  I’ve not had a real Christmas tree since I was a child in Germany.  I’ve not put up a Christmas tree since I was married.  I was all about the tree.  I’ve not had a desire for one until now and it’s a nice feeling.

You really can enjoy the things you once loved, given enough time.  New memories can replace the old.

I had a nice break over Thanksgiving.  Dad is doing very well with his Chemo.  Staying positive is the key and it’s working.  He does have to rest a lot but that’s okay.  At the end of January more tests will be done to see how things are looking.  If the cancer is completely gone it will be time to look at surgery options.  

With everything that is going on in my life I have this amazing sense of calm.  I’ve been thinking about it on and off the past couple of days.  I had struggled for so long; how to deal with the things one can’t control.  Being crabby and asshole-ish is not the answer.  There comes a day where you just have to let go and let things be.  Not in just one aspect of your life. Everything.  

This is not to say sit by and let life pass you.

Do what you are able and let the rest figure itself out.  

(or this could be just the flu talking… *wink*)

Hidy-ho friends of the internets.

I am in a fine mix of mood this eve.  In fact, I’ve been rather asshole-ish all day.

A bit ridiculous if you ask me, considering I’m leaving work early tomorrow to get a head start on the Turkey Holiday fun time.  I honestly don’t get myself sometimes.

A gal pal says stress at home, (dad, being here in STL, missing the Boy) and stress at work (a gargantuan case load, bitchy co-workers, and trying to find a job at home) has taken its toll on me no matter how much I try to say otherwise.  Perhaps she is right.

Okay.  She is right.

So what to do?

I’ve had enough of the oh poor me.  I’m being active.  Doing things to change my environment.  Finding my happy place, if you will.  I’ve been taking more photos in the last month than I have ALL year.  That speaks a lot in of itself.  I’m slowly finding my happy place and trying to balance all that there is going on in my life.

Except for today.  

I’m allowed to have a bad today.  So I did.  Tomorrow will be better.  Much better.  Going home to the ones I love makes my heart smile.

While I make merry with mom and dad, the Boy will be going to his parents home in Florida.  I’m taking him to the airport Thanksgiving morning.  Did I mention his flight leaves around 7 am?  Yes, I’m one SUPER girlfriend.  You know it is love when you take your significant other to the airport for an early am flight.

True story.

I talked to mom earlier this evening.  She’s already picked out the wine for us.  Oh my.  I’ll be staying with them then heading back to Louisville to spend the weekend at the Boy’s apartment.  I promised him no wild parties. Hehehehe. 

I’ll also be handing out birthday presents to the Boy and mom while visiting.  I’m excited about that.  I’m sure I’ll have photos on Flickr of the fun.

Time to finish packing.  I’m getting to work early so I can leave early.

Such the life of a Latent Print Examiner in Saint Louis. 

xoxo.

While I’ve not been writing here much let me share with you what I have been doing:

Taking.  Photographs.

I have to thank my friend Holly for the brilliant little kick in the ass I needed.  I’m doing this dandy little project called 100 Days of Moo (You).  I’m along with thirteen other photogs taking daily pix of us and our lives.  Today marks day twenty.  I have one hundred days of this.  I look forward the twists and turns on the subject of me.  

You just never know what sort of photograph will show up.

I’ve also started working on photographs that have been waiting to be edited.  New York.  Ben Harper Concert.  AOII Day at the Downs.  Florida Vacation with the Boy.  Events in my life that brought smiles and good times.  Sadly, because of my delay, I was only able to edit two of my NYC photos.  The CD is not reading.  This is what I get for waiting.

Be on the look out for a new photo daily in the Moo project. 

And.  Sometimes.  When you least expect it.  I’ll have more photos from past events.

Later ya’ll!

EDIT:  11/23/2008 25 NYC Photographs.  SAVED.

Happy Halloween, dear Internets.

It’s time for me to get out of this self-imposed writer’s block. 

Work is busy as hell.  When I go to the evidence room where we store the cases we are working, sometimes I get overwealmed looking at it all.  I clear my desk, look up and see my boss with more evidence bags and lift envelopes assigned to me ready to be worked.  It’s like that for all of us and we are drowning.  I know I should be thankful I have a job to be overworked at, given all the layoffs that have been happening thanks to our lovely economy.  I just want the peace of mind of being caught up with my work.

And that is not going to happen anytime soon.

Speaking of the economy.  I have to put the job search on hold if I want to work for the state of Kentucky.  They are in the midst of a hiring freeze.  Perhaps after our new President is elected on Tuesday and things start to turn around, perhaps things will look brighter come 2009.  I hope so anyway.  If not, I’ll be looking outside of law enforcement. 

I want to go home.  Plain and simple.

So, I’ve finally made a concerted effort to get myself in shape.  I’m not wide as I am tall by any means, but I have some soft spots I want to tone and firm.  I also want to drop a couple of sizes.  It was hard staying on the health kick while working nights and my schedule constantly changing.  My travel for the past month didn’t help much either.  I have now settled into a nice routine.  We’ll see how things are shaping up around Christmas. 

Wow.  Break time is over already.  Time to get my ass back to the grind.

See you soon.

It’s been a while.

Again.

It saddens me that I’ve not been here as much as I would like.

Fragments of stories.  Of thoughts.

Words quietly spoken instead of written.

I’m at a crossroads of so many things in my life.  

Work.  Home.  Love.

You think by the time you reach your 30’s, you’d have everything figured out.

Not me.

I’m just taking one day at a time.  Hoping the answers to the questions stored my head will present themselves.

And I’ll do the right thing.

For now, there is tomorrow and the plans with Crystal to go to Grant’s Farm.

Then off to a training in Kansas City on Expert Testimony for the Fingerprint Examiner.  

After that, who knows where I’ll end up.

What a month September has been. 

It started out nice with a visit from the Boy and cooler temperatures coming around here and there.   Then, what was supposed to be just some simple tests for infection, my mom informs me that my dad has cancer of the bladder.

I’ve known for almost two weeks now.  Things have been surreal.  I still go day by day doing my thing here in Saint Louis while my mind drifts home wondering how my dad is doing.  My mom tells me he is hanging in there - but I need to see this for myself.  Thankfully I am taking some time off at the end of the week to go home.

I have not spoken to my dad since finding this out.  Save your chastising as I don’t care to hear it.  Every time I start to dial the phone knowing when he is home and mom is at work I start to cry.  He doesn’t need to hear me cry.  I’ve told my mom this and she understands.  When she told my dad what I said he just smiled at her.  My dad and I can communicate without saying a word.

There is still much that is unknown.  I know that he has had the test to determine if it has spread to his other organs and it has not.  I hope to learn more when I go home. 

Speaking of going home, this has made me realize I need to go home. 

For good.

However, I need to be smart about it.  While I want to be close to my parents and the Boy I must take care of myself.  Thankfully I have learned of a position that would be perfect for me.  I’d have a bit of a commute, but it’s better than the four hours it takes me to get to Louisville now.  More on that as things develop.

I don’t really have much else to say.  Haven’t I said enough anyway?  I’m counting the days to this time next week.  I need so much to be around those I love.

Dear Internets:

So sorry for the hiatus.  Things have been pretty busy since my last entry.  Life on day shift is TOTALLY different from nights as I well expected.  Getting used to the personalities in my unit has been.  Well.  A challenge.  I’m making it, however.

I’ve started learning about the chemical processing of evidence.  I processed with Cyanoacrylate and Ninhydrin.  I used regular black powder and magnetic powder to dust.  I think I ended up with more on my face than the lifts themselves, but hey - I’m learning.

I’ve not done much with the new place since the change of my schedule.  I find myself getting home in the afternoon, spent.  I do manage to get a work out in most of the time, but it has been a struggle as of late being so tired.  I hope as I get used to my new hours I can get back to full steam.

The Boy visited Labor Day weekend and that was a surprise.  I thought he was going out of town for business but came to see me instead.  We spent the weekend trying new restaurants and watching football.  It was a laid back, enjoyable weekend.  Right up until Sunday, when we watched my University of Louisville Cardinals get there ass kicked… at home.  It will be a long season.

I’m excited as fall is right around the corner.  Starbucks has started offering the seasonal Pumpkin Spice Latte again.  I wonder what Fall 2008 will bring?

A way home to Louisville?  For good?

One never knows.